The Taste of Inspectors
by The Wordsmithy
Summary: After Inspector Javert has been captured by the revolutionaries, all Enjolras wants is to make sure he's watched over...and all Gavroche wants is to eat him for breakfast. Played entirely for laughs.


Watching over the captured inspector wasn't a very hard job. Enjolras had little to fear, what with Javert being tied to a chair and all. It was boring, though, seeing as there was no one to talk to but said captive policeman.

"I thought you'd do a better job of disguising yourself, Monsieur Inspector," the revolutionary commented. "After all, isn't it your job to be able to catch us 'filthy rebels' _without_ getting caught? Or are you out of practice because disguising yourself is below the high standard you keep? After, all, dishonesty is _so_ far-removed from your intolerance and –"

"I will _not_ tolerate this!" Javert fumed pointlessly. "I will _not_!"

"There you go, you're intolerant," said Enjolras. "Now –"

"'Scuse me, Monsieur Enjolras?"

Enjolras looked down to see Gavroche, the little boy who had exposed Inspector Javert's disguise in the first place. "Yes, Gavroche?"

"What are we havin' for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Breakfast?" Was Gavroche _really_ bothering him with such a question? "I don't know…"

"Well, I was thinkin' that, if you don't have anything else, we could eat the inspector."

It was slightly hard for both Enjolras and Javert to not burst out with their immediate reactions. _Keep calm and deal with this bizarre suggestion appropriately_, they both told themselves. But no. They burst out with their immediate reactions.

"_WHAT!_"

Gavroche smiled innocently as he stood closer to the chair Javert was tied to. "Well, I was just curious what he tastes like. Ever wondered that, Enjolras? What he tastes like?"

"No. I do _not_ spend my time wondering what people taste like."

"Oh, I don't mean _people_. I mean _inspectors_."

"Inspectors _are_ people!" Javert interjected. "Albeit highly responsible, important people who –"

"Inspectors _specifically_," Gavroche clarified. "Out of all the people in the world, inspectors _specifically_. Do you think they taste salty? I think they taste salty. Saltier than normal people, anyway."

Enjolras shook his head. "Gavroche…"

"Inspectors ain't normal. They prob'ly don't taste like normal people."

"I don't much like what you're insinuating right now," said Javert, giving no indication as to the specific insinuation.

Gavroche went on. "Normal people…they taste alright, probably. But I don't think people like _this_ fellow'd taste normal at all."

"Gavroche, I don't want to know why you think about these things," Enjolras said.

"Normal people are a little tangy, I think, and sometimes kinda sweet. Sometimes kinda salty. But inspectors – oh, they're _really_ salty!"

"Do I want to know why you know these things?" Enjolras asked, more to himself than the child.

Gavroche started pacing around Javert. "This one…I don't know. You think he tastes a little different than other inspectors? 'Cause different people have different tastes…"

"Child, I demand you stop this line of thought _immediately_!" Javert ordered, regardless that Gavroche wouldn't listen.

"He's bitter," the boy suggested, still circling the inspector. "He probably tastes bitter. Really bitter, more than normal people. More than normal _inspectors_!"

Enjolras made no motion but watched the child with disapproving eyes. "Gavroche…"

"Yeah, this one's bitter. A little more salty, too, d'you think? Or maybe less salty. Maybe less."

"I object!" Javert said. "I object to everything that's going on right now! It's all completely objectionable!"

Gavroche's face lit up. "You know what? We should have him with _eggs_!"

"_Eggs_?" Enjolras shoted.

"_Eggs!_" Javert objected.

"_Eggs_!" Gavroche cheered. "Eggs and…some kind of meat, I think. What meat d'you think we should –"

"Gavroche, no," said Enjolras.

"– ham, maybe, that sounds good –"

"I am the _law_! The law is _not_ eaten!" Javert put in.

Gavroche looked down contemplatively as he paced. "– or, or, do we have any chicken? Because he might –"

"Gavroche! Why are we still talking about this?" Enjolras said.

"– mmm, that'd taste _really_ good. Who knew that inspectors could –"

"_Listen to the man! I don't want to be eaten!_" Javert raged.

There was a pause. Gavroche stopped pacing. Enjolras blinked a few times. "Did you – did you just – did you just tell someone to _listen_ to me?"

"Well, if it gets him to shut up about eating me, then…yes," Javert said, lamely and rather embarrassed. He was not used to having cannibalistic suggestions directed at him.

Enjolras smiled. He smiled widely. He smiled enthusiastically. He smiled ecstatically. It almost frightened Gavroche because he didn't know such things could come from Enjolras, and it _did_ frighten Javert because he didn't know such things could come from people.

"I'm right!" the revolutionary leader cheered. "I'm right! I'm right! You, my fine inspector, just admitted that I'm _right_!"

"I – I did no such thing!" Javert stammered.

"Yes, you did! You told Gavroche to listen to me. That means I ought to be listened to, meaning I'm right! I never realized that you, oh high-and-mighty 'I-am-the-law', could admit that I'm _right_!"

"Only if it makes him stop this nonsense about having me for breakfast," the flustered detective said.

"Still…I'm right."

"But – but this means we can't eat the inspector, then?" Gavroche said sadly.

"No. No, we can't."

"But I want to taste inspectors!" Gavroche whined.

"_No_. There will be _no_ inspector-tasting. At all. Do you have anything constructive and non-disturbing to say? Or did you just want to ask if we can eat the inspector?"

Gavroche hung his head ashamedly. "No."

"Then _go_."

The boy heaved a despairing sigh. "Alright."

As Gavroche left, it was very hard for him to contain his giggles and gleeful laughter. Discovering the taste of inspectors would have been the experience of a lifetime. However, feigning desire to eat the one they had with them – and, in so doing, getting such a reaction from Enjolras _and_ Javert – came in as a very close second.


End file.
